How can you actively build ‘best possible relationships?’

Have a conversation on how you work together before you zoom in on what you’re doing together.

The words of Michael Bungay Stanier at this year’s House of Beautiful Business festival in Portugal.

If there’s one thing I have learned in my career it’s that relationships are EVERYTHING. Like most of us I have experienced bully bosses, inspiring bosses, nightmare clients, dream clients. Michael reminded us that great relationships don't happen by accident, we need to design for them.

He outlined the three attributes of a healthy relationship: safe, vital and repairable. I guess I hadn’t thought of ‘repairable’ before. But every relationship - in life and business - will go wrong, so you need to know how to repair it. He went so far as suggesting we might even intentionally design a screw-up into a relationship and then actively repair it.

I love that statement at the top of the post. Because so much of the time - especially in client/ vendor relationships - we focus on the What. What the deliverables are in a project, what the fee and deadline is. Whereas in fact the How we work together is the most important. Question like how will we interact on a day to day basis, how will we navigate our way out of crises, and how will we build a deep and meaningful relationship, are much more critical.

Over the last three years I’ve shifted my business from quantity to quality. I now work with a much smaller client base, and that means I can truly invest in the relationships. Thanks Michael for the pointers. You got me thinking about the practicalities, what you can learn from past successful ones, and a reminder to give ourselves permission to talk about health of relationships.

How you can actively build or manage ‘best possible relationships?' And if you’re curious to learn more, check out Michael’s new book ‘How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Five Questions for Building the Best Possible Relationships.’

A postscript: to be honest, I hadn’t planned to attend Michael’s session that morning. I was actually looking for the site of another talk that morning. But when Michael’s smiling face greeted me by the swimming pool (and what a stunning backdrop it was), I was reminded we’d had a conversation way back in 2010, on Skype! 13 years on, it was great to reconnect. Thanks for the inspiring and useful session by the pool Michael, proof that the things we don’t plan for are often the most rewarding.

[picture credit: House of Beautiful Business]