Why empathy is at the heart of good communication

If you have any news to communicate, start from a point of empathy: what does your audience want to hear from you?

When I went to the hospital last year to find out the results of a scan, the locum doctor gesticulated to an image on a screen and mumbled something about “four four, three three…” We elicited from his sad eyes and shoulder shrug that something wasn’t right. But verbally, my wife and I could make little sense of what he was actually saying. In the end, in order to be clear, I asked: "sorry, are you saying I’ve got cancer?" When I looked upset, he seemed awkward. “It’s not my fault,” (yes, he actually said this) “Here is some information. Take these leaflets and make a decision on what you want to do.” And that was that.

What a terrible way to find out! I left the hospital feeling fearful and confused.

Then, two weeks later I met with the senior oncology nurse and her colleague. They had all the time in the world for me. They explained that I shouldn’t have been trying to make a decision based on the leaflets I’d been given. They gave me so much time, explaining everything. On leaving, I was handed a business card on which was printed five names of the cancer team who are there to help alongside a dedicated phone number and email address. Because the last thing you want to do is to wade through the hospital switchboard trying to reach the right department. I got the sense right then that here are people who understand the struggle. They know you as they guide you along the journey. The human touch.

Empathy is at the heart of good communication. The two nurses in the second experience gave me empathy in spades, and I felt they knew me and understood my concerns. The first experience left me unclear and unsettled. He was simply there to deliver the news, and leave me to make of it what I could.

Empathy is the starting point for the conversations Dr Rob Elias, a kidney consultant at King's College Hospital, has with his patients. This episode of the brilliant series ‘Communicating with Ros Atkins' on BBC Sounds unpacks this doctor’s approach, and is a great lesson on how to deliver difficult news. But, as the doctor says, we should bring in an empathetic approach to everything we do, whether that’s giving a presentation or going to talk to a bank manager.

Empathy will always put us in someone else’s shoes, and help us understand better the kind of information they want and need to hear. An excellent episode.