Throwing the light on your story. Being brave enough to be vulnerable.

Writing these words, I can pinpoint the time things changed for me, when I rediscovered my professional confidence and became committed to the path I’m on today. And it all started five years ago today on a light industrial estate in Hackney.

Up until that point, I’d been doing okay. I’d had professional successes - started a virtual marketing agency, authored four books, written for the FT - but underneath the surface something was lacking. I knew I was missing a trick, I wasn’t fulfilling my potential and I wasn’t walking tall.

But then things changed.

I’ve written before about the positive effect speaking at The Do Lectures had on me. It was my first opportunity to stand up in front of people, and tell my real story. That was in June 2015.

Ploughing through old notebooks last night I discovered that being honest with my story actually started a couple of months earlier, on a Friday in early March 2015.  I’d been invited to be a guest on a podcast with broadcaster George Lamb and writer Ross Ashcroft. I had no idea what to expect. All I knew was they wanted to riff about work.

That morning I walked from Fenchurch Street station to George’s studio in Bayford Street, E8. A walk that took almost an hour, up through Hackney to London Fields. 

I don’t know exactly what happened or why, but as George opened the microphone faders I began to open up. Talking like I never had before. Telling my truth. Deciding I’d had enough of the bullshit. It was time to tell it as it was: to talk about my struggles with burnout and depression - the reason why I’d quit my job back in 1999. So I spilled my guts. Maybe there was something about that rough and ready radio studio that felt intimate, where I could just be me.

It was a cathartic experience. Afterwards I sat down to catch my breath over coffee in Climpson & Sons on Broadway Market. It felt like I’d been in a therapy session. The sun was shining and everything felt different. I felt lighter.

Sitting there I remembered Nancy Duarte’s post ‘Are You Brave Enough to be Vulnerable?’ She wrote, “sharing a story about yourself makes you vulnerable. Since stories are about transformation, telling a personal story requires you reveal a flaw, error, or a roadblock that was difficult to overcome.”

So I’d finally told my personal story. I know many of us - especially men - aren't comfortable showing vulnerability at work. And yes it had taken me fifteen years - FIFTEEN! years - to do so. Yet as I started to be honest about my real story I discovered I formed closer connections in my professional life. Others told me they’d had similar experiences. Organisations wanted me to share my story with their teams. My openness was welcomed. So I came to realise that sharing our stories helps us see we’re as normal - or as weird and flawed - as everyone else out there. I learned to see my own story differently, not seeing obstacles as failures but as stepping stones along the way, experiences we learn from. Stepping stones that propel us forward. 

So the funny thing is, that podcast interview never aired. No-one ever heard it! I have no idea what happened to that audio file. Did it get lost, is it sitting on a hard drive in a cupboard, or did it just get thrown away? Who knows. But looking back, Friday 6th March 2015 was like my ‘dry run’. 2015 was my year for learning it’s okay to display your vulnerability. It was my year for seeing how you can realise your potential by unearthing your story and throwing a light on it. And I’m grateful for my experience on that light industrial estate for starting that all off.