How the 'Vulnerability Loop' can help you build trust at work
The other day I was standing at the counter chatting to the barista - who I know well - at a favourite coffee shop. We were having a brief but quite frank discussion about mental health. I shared a story about a difficult experience earlier in my career.
While sitting at a table waiting for my coffee, a guy I’d never met before approached me. He introduced himself - let’s call him Pete - and said he’d overheard the conversation at the counter. Pete shared with me his own story of his work burnout and the effect it had. Now, he’s on a mission to help colleagues by being open about his own struggles. He’s keen to help those who may be experiencing the same feelings he once had.
The interaction with Pete was wonderful - he was so willing to share a story of such vulnerability with a complete stranger.
Why did Pete feel he could be so candid with me? The answer lies in what’s called the Vulnerability Loop. Daniel Coyle talks about this in his excellent book ‘The Culture Code.’ The loop works like this. Person A sends a signal of vulnerability. Person B detects the signal. Person B responds by showing their own vulnerability. Person A detects B’s signal. Trust is established. This is what happened in the coffee shop: the guy had overheard me displaying vulnerability, and that made him feel comfortable enough to do the same.
So instead of trust needing to be in place before we are vulnerable, it’s in fact the other way round.
It’s something we can all do. When I advise leaders on using storytelling to create culture change, I encourage use of the Vulnerability Loop by being more open when sharing their own stories with their teams .
When leaders show up as their authentic selves it gives their teams permission to do the same. Hearing a leader’s authentic story leads to employee engagement. It encourages others to be open and authentic too. I've seen this first-hand many times during the story-sharing sessions I run for organisations. The leader goes first with a personal story - and it creates a space safe for colleagues to follow. The stories that team members share are honest, moving and humbling. The atmosphere in the room shifts to one of an encompassing empathy.
It’s a fantastic tool to engender trust, and it can prompt change in subtle and sincere ways. Powerful things can happen when you trigger the loop. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing big personal things about yourself, are there one or two low-key stories you can identify that you can draw on at your next all-hands meeting? Let me know how you get on.
