The Emotionally Intelligent Office by The School of Life

When I was about 12 or 13, I had a friend who gave withering put-downs, often when I’d make a joke or shared some fanciful thought of mine. I would have loved her to say “yeah sure, you’re right” or “that would be crazy.” But she wouldn’t oblige with a tactful rejoinder. Instead, I’d end up feeling a bit stupid for sharing my thoughts. Yeah I know, we were only kids and I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it. But it was hurtful all the same.

I was reminded of her response to something I once said while reading the chapter on diplomacy in The School of Life’s book The Emotionally Intelligent Office. I like this bit:

“True niceness means helping the people we are going to disappoint to adjust to reality as best they can. Let them down gently. It’s not lying.” 

I guess I just wanted from my friend an acknowledgement of me, as a human being, a validation of my views and thoughts, and my silly ideas. And it’s such incidents as this, events from our childhood long ago, explains The Emotionally Intelligent Office, that still often inform our relationships today. 

And because we are tender and sensitive humans our workplace relationships and communications are loaded and fraught with angst. Unknown to us, we bring all our complicated attitudes and behaviours from our past into work. 

Add on top of that how much the world of work has vastly changed in the last fifty years or so (actually it’s now changing on a near-daily basis), we need to be better at understanding each others’ failings and foibles. Work these days “requires continuous interaction, creativity, personal service and intellectual concentration.”

So the upshot is, in order to get on and to get along at work, we need to understand each other better. Then we’ll be better placed to negotiate and manoeuvre around some of the perceived challenges in our way. 

A few years ago I used to practice hypnotherapy - and I’d see first hand how people would still be subconsciously influenced by what happened to them a long time ago, the effects of which would play out in their lives today. So it’s not surprising that, with all this stuff noodling around in the depths of our minds, governing our feelings and attitudes, work can be a minefield!

The Emotionally Intelligent Office gives us the answers and insight into how we can bring our emotional intelligence to bear at work. It includes chapters on Selling and Objectivity, Playfulness and Purpose. 

If you’ve listened to TSOL’s creator Alain de Botton speak before, you’ll hear his voice in the eloquent lines of text. The book is peppered with stories that illustrate the concepts and full of good advice for anyone wanting to get on, and get along, at work. 

At this time, as our workplaces are practically dissolving before our eyes, I like that the book’s wisdom extends beyond the workplace and is relevant for interactions with friends and family. I was hoping the chapter on diplomacy would be useful for encouraging our kids, now the schools are closed, to knuckle down and get on with it. I think I better reread that one…